Sunday, August 21, 2011
A Clay Pot
This isn't entirely an analogy I came up with on my own, but I often think about how my life was before Christ. Though I was young, I still picture myself as a pot made just how I would have like to be. Then when my life changed, I picture God shattering that pot and rebuilding it tiny piece by tiny piece to create just what HE wants. Putting the pieces where He wants so that I can be best used. Maybe even leaving gaps in between the pieces so that as I am filled with Him, it can pour out to others. I want that.
I am not typically a busy person. I love time to myself and get so much energy from being alone in silence. Touch is so not one of my love languages. Though I ADORE my children and love giving/getting hugs and kisses from them, when I can't even sit on the sofa to breath without a child at my feet or hanging on my arm or climbing in my lap, I have to find a way to retreat. Even if only for a minute! ESPECIALLY a little boy that screams touch as a love language and asks me numerous times a day if he can "give me lovin's". I'm not naturally a flexible person. I'm working on that but its tough. I like to have a schedule and I like to know whats coming next and I REALLY like to leave some wiggle room in there so I don't feel rushed. I feel like ever since we moved to Richmond our lives have been NON stop. I know part of that is just what it seems like. We do get time as a family, but its so tough for me when at any point it can get interrupt or "rearranged". Of course, Robby LOVES being on the go. He loves being around a bunch of people and gets his energy from that. He's the epitome of flexible and feels like anything can be rearranged to make time for people. (** I am in NO way saying that Robby often puts others ahead of his family, its not like that at all. He's seriously the best husband and father I could have ever dreamed of.)
Its so hard though because I know there is a balance but I also know that loving broken people takes sacrifice. We moved to Richmond to reach people and share Christ with them. Thats the WHOLE reason we're here. We're not here to be comfortable or to live a perfect life just the way I would like it. God has introduced us to SO many people that need a touch from Him. More like a slap from him. How can I sit at home and try and relax when there are so many people. And its not that I don't think anyone else can do it and we're the only ones. I just know that its why God sent us here and its been tough but we've definitely seen Him work. Yes, we've been woken up in the middle of the night, threatened, taken advantage of, lied to, been uncomfortable...but then I think of Paul and all he went through. How can I complain? Its not making light of what I'm going through, they are still issues that are affecting me, but seriously. Now, I can't say that my flesh doesn't want to sometimes tell people to grow up and stop being stupid and selfish, but I know that would do nothing worthwhile. I'm just trying to find some sort of balance. I have to keep reminding myself of the Truth. On days/weeks I don't...weeks like this past one, I just feel like I get swallowed up.
So saying all of that, I am just exhausted. In every way.
I know God has great things planned, and I'm having to rely on Him every second of the day. I mean, I say that knowing its the truth and its what I'm supposed to do, but there are some days when I just seem to lose. I have to keep struggling through this and being reminded of the reason we were created. I hope you are living in light of why God created you!